The Unknown Soldier charges glasses:

word has gone around

our enthusiast Prime Minister

has been discovered drowned.

He was washed up next a pillbox

and received a salute:

the President's instructions

were pinned to his bathing suit.
The once-runt receives favours

for achievements not his own

They sit him down with crayons

and tell him how he's grown.

Adults seem to overlook him

-no matter what knee-rub he tries-

 He stops his watch as evidence

of what time he arrived.
Your last remaining passport

is in the teeth of a Basset Hound;

Due to its good breeding

you cannot take it to the pound.

Its owner is a simper

drawn on a rocking horse

He will only blow his horn

if you agree to be main course.
A mess of unfed kittens

are lined up in a row

and drowned in odds and evens

for having nowhere else to go.

All except those spat out

by the pedigree machine

that guarantees our borders

and full saucers of cream.
The hard recruiting Sergeant

settles an old bet – as to

the Scout Master's birthday

and what present he should get.

The lieutenant pastes the Monarch

to a naked man and has it framed,

The Sergeant has the remains of Baden-Powell

welded to a weather vane.
The imitation Sister Florence

betrays her hide-out game

by giving the wrong needle

and misspelling her name.

Her lantern flickers weakly

as she soothes you to your rest

the words to Auld Lang Syne

are tucked into her breast.
The newlywed returned to sender

sinks and cannot seem

to recover any altitude

in his mistress' esteem.

She trims his big toenail

and thinks him grown rotund

while he butters both sides of toast

and re-treads trodden ground.
The one-armed train conductor

is a month ahead in dues

His stamp upon the ticket

is congealing into a bruise.

He lives with the parking inspector

beneath a garbage lid

and presents a stick of perfect chalk

as an anniversary gift.
The pretty monkey dissident

is depicted as a lush

Downing soused bananas

peeled back from the brunt at lunch

He is an old-style disturbance

rolling marbles under hooves

and brandishing a permit

to operate as sooth.
The pedestrians are silent

by the written request

of a twice-promoted librarian

and an uninvited guest.

One indicates one's purchase

in cash register charades

“From Intimates to Politics”

by the Marquis de Sade.
The reluctant school Head Mistress

has her cigar and her cane,

A student and past Master

are locked on Lover's Lane.

A prefect is convicted

of insufficient beef

and marking his page in Leviticus

with a marijuana leaf.
The recovered anorexic

is lauded for the gain,

The recovered alcoholic

throws himself under a train.

The disorder inventory

loses a commissionaire

and the invalid canary

that shat crutches in his hair.