Today my house smells of mangos, christmas trees and heat,
the air is sticky and clings to the inside of my lungs like an idea
grew legs and crawled down my throat to make a home in my gut.
Now the concept of change makes me nauseous
bile rises from my stomach like the time I downed half a bottle of vodka
and everyone was so impressed they thought it might’ve been water but
my mouth tasted like kerosene, i could’ve breathed fire.
I just wanted to forget that I was growingWhen we danced on the road and
you watched me laugh at the idea of being hit by a bus
i can’t apologise for the chemicals in my brain but I’m sorry,
forgiving, forgiven, for giving you reason to be concerned.
But i’m glad
You dialled the number when my eyes were too blurred to see,
my voice too slurred and broken by tears to be understood,
the world doesn’t deserve my inconsistencies.We went from dancing on the street
to playing chess between sheets,
before the world turned my stomach
and red lingerie stained the bathroom tiles
I cried because I saw the way you looked at me,It broke my heart the way i broke the porcelain cup
that used to sit on that ugly, tan-coloured shelf
and maybe i was missing doorways,
steps, and the point to this madness,
maybe it wasn’t worth the thirteen hours running
from the couch to the toilet and back,
a new bruise each trip, you,
holding back my hair.It wasn’t just the cup that lay shattered on
that floor, our floor.
Your floor?
How was I to know I wasn’t welcome anymore,
Where were the warning signs?
“No trespassers allowed”?
I didn’t crawl through a fence to get here.Tomorrow my house will smell of rain, cut grass and winter,
I’ll add another blanket to my bed to keep warm.
- 115: SPACE
with A Sometimes
114: NO THEME 13
with J Toledo & C Tse
113: INVISIBLE WALLS
with A Walker & D Disney
112: TREAT
with T Dearborn
111: BABY
with S Deo & L Ferney
110: POP!
with Z Frost & B Jessen
109: NO THEME 12
with C Maling & N Rhook
108: DEDICATION
with L Patterson & L Garcia-Dolnik
107: LIMINAL
with B Li
106: OPEN
with C Lowe & J Langdon
105: NO THEME 11
with E Grills & E Stewart
104: KIN
with E Shiosaki
103: AMBLE
with E Gomez and S Gory
102: GAME
with R Green and J Maxwell
101: NO THEME 10
with J Kinsella and J Leanne
100: BROWNFACE
with W S Dunn
99: SINGAPORE
with J Ip and A Pang
97 & 98: PROPAGANDA
with M Breeze and S Groth
96: NO THEME IX
with M Gill and J Thayil
95: EARTH
with M Takolander
94: BAYT
with Z Hashem Beck
93: PEACH
with L Van, G Mouratidis, L Toong
92: NO THEME VIII
with C Gaskin
91: MONSTER
with N Curnow
90: AFRICAN DIASPORA
with S Umar
89: DOMESTIC
with N Harkin
88: TRANSQUEER
with S Barnes and Q Eades
87: DIFFICULT
with O Schwartz & H Isemonger
86: NO THEME VII
with L Gorton
85: PHILIPPINES
with Mookie L and S Lua
84: SUBURBIA
with L Brown and N O'Reilly
83: MATHEMATICS
with F Hile
82: LAND
with J Stuart and J Gibian
81: NEW CARIBBEAN
with V Lucien
80: NO THEME VI
with J Beveridge
57.1: EKPHRASTIC
with C Atherton and P Hetherington
57: CONFESSION
with K Glastonbury
56: EXPLODE
with D Disney
55.1: DALIT / INDIGENOUS
with M Chakraborty and K MacCarter
55: FUTURE MACHINES
with Bella Li
54: NO THEME V
with F Wright and O Sakr
53.0: THE END
with P Brown
52.0: TOIL
with C Jenkins
51.1: UMAMI
with L Davies and Lifted Brow
51.0: TRANSTASMAN
with B Cassidy
50.0: NO THEME IV
with J Tranter
49.1: A BRITISH / IRISH
with M Hall and S Seita
49.0: OBSOLETE
with T Ryan
48.1: CANADA
with K MacCarter and S Rhodes
48.0: CONSTRAINT
with C Wakeling
47.0: COLLABORATION
with L Armand and H Lambert
46.1: MELBOURNE
with M Farrell
46.0: NO THEME III
with F Plunkett
45.0: SILENCE
with J Owen
44.0: GONDWANALAND
with D Motion
43.1: PUMPKIN
with K MacCarter
43.0: MASQUE
with A Vickery
42.0: NO THEME II
with G Ryan
41.1: RATBAGGERY
with D Hose
41.0: TRANSPACIFIC
with J Rowe and M Nardone
40.1: INDONESIA
with K MacCarter
40.0: INTERLOCUTOR
with L Hart
39.1: GIBBERBIRD
with S Gory
39.0: JACKPOT!
with S Wagan Watson
38.0: SYDNEY
with A Lorange
37.1: NEBRASKA
with S Whalen
37.0: NO THEME!
with A Wearne
36.0: ELECTRONICA
with J Jones