Not translated. Written originally in the English by the author, a native Konkani speaker.
Caste, I never understood it
I thought I wasn’t part of it
I thought it never affected me
I thought I was casteless.In the class they told us
Caste was hindrance to equality
I hated caste
but now when I look back,
low caste were lowered
in the lectures of the teachers
(a position which I’m trying to thread cautiously)
through the re-reading of the
old texts, without hint of the present.
They told us the caste pyramid
could be broken and reformed into a circle
when everybody would be equal
when everybody would be same.Same! The word haunts me now
as I reflect back
look forward
and live in the present
Same? What does being same
as in similar means?
I understand now …
it got deeper implications
Who will become like whom?
Who will imitate whom?
In the quest of
becoming similar, same, equal?
(or did I confuse the words and misunderstood it?)
(But in the end this is what I understood!)Why do I deny my caste?
Why do I say I don’t?
believe in caste?
My experiences I have understood
only in terms of rural-urban,
rich- poor and healthy- unhealthy.
But caste? It didn’t exist in my world
I am trying to make sense of it only now
it eluded my curiosity for long
and when I came to know about my caste
the next thing that I knew was
“It is low, lowest in the Varna”And being a Shudra!
(I’m finally writing on this!)
Shudra! I only studied in books
Shudra or in Goa, the Sudir
came from the feet
were the lowest in the varna I knew
but when I came to know
that I am a shudra
I didn’t know what it meant …
what implications it had for me.And moreover
Why do I want something low
when all my life I held my head up
and lived without it
why would I put myself
knowingly down when I was already
fighting a battle of being a
rural, middle class, unhealthy woman?But no! I was fooled
Fooled to believe that there
is fault in caste- in my caste
and there is urgent need
to believe that we
all are equal
or on the path to equality.
They shut my mouth up
when I was about to declare
my caste to the class
And I wondered why? Is it so bad?
By believing that caste is bad
inequality was swept under the carpet
on which I stumbled now and then.Life is not as simple as
the theories that I study
My experiences, my positions
are shaped by structures
which are beyond my comprehension
and it is more frightening to know
that I existed into it
without having any knowledge of it
and what havoc it played with me!Under the guise of equality
we embraced their notions
and fractured ours!
- 115: SPACE
with A Sometimes
114: NO THEME 13
with J Toledo & C Tse
113: INVISIBLE WALLS
with A Walker & D Disney
112: TREAT
with T Dearborn
111: BABY
with S Deo & L Ferney
110: POP!
with Z Frost & B Jessen
109: NO THEME 12
with C Maling & N Rhook
108: DEDICATION
with L Patterson & L Garcia-Dolnik
107: LIMINAL
with B Li
106: OPEN
with C Lowe & J Langdon
105: NO THEME 11
with E Grills & E Stewart
104: KIN
with E Shiosaki
103: AMBLE
with E Gomez and S Gory
102: GAME
with R Green and J Maxwell
101: NO THEME 10
with J Kinsella and J Leanne
100: BROWNFACE
with W S Dunn
99: SINGAPORE
with J Ip and A Pang
97 & 98: PROPAGANDA
with M Breeze and S Groth
96: NO THEME IX
with M Gill and J Thayil
95: EARTH
with M Takolander
94: BAYT
with Z Hashem Beck
93: PEACH
with L Van, G Mouratidis, L Toong
92: NO THEME VIII
with C Gaskin
91: MONSTER
with N Curnow
90: AFRICAN DIASPORA
with S Umar
89: DOMESTIC
with N Harkin
88: TRANSQUEER
with S Barnes and Q Eades
87: DIFFICULT
with O Schwartz & H Isemonger
86: NO THEME VII
with L Gorton
85: PHILIPPINES
with Mookie L and S Lua
84: SUBURBIA
with L Brown and N O'Reilly
83: MATHEMATICS
with F Hile
82: LAND
with J Stuart and J Gibian
81: NEW CARIBBEAN
with V Lucien
80: NO THEME VI
with J Beveridge
57.1: EKPHRASTIC
with C Atherton and P Hetherington
57: CONFESSION
with K Glastonbury
56: EXPLODE
with D Disney
55.1: DALIT / INDIGENOUS
with M Chakraborty and K MacCarter
55: FUTURE MACHINES
with Bella Li
54: NO THEME V
with F Wright and O Sakr
53.0: THE END
with P Brown
52.0: TOIL
with C Jenkins
51.1: UMAMI
with L Davies and Lifted Brow
51.0: TRANSTASMAN
with B Cassidy
50.0: NO THEME IV
with J Tranter
49.1: A BRITISH / IRISH
with M Hall and S Seita
49.0: OBSOLETE
with T Ryan
48.1: CANADA
with K MacCarter and S Rhodes
48.0: CONSTRAINT
with C Wakeling
47.0: COLLABORATION
with L Armand and H Lambert
46.1: MELBOURNE
with M Farrell
46.0: NO THEME III
with F Plunkett
45.0: SILENCE
with J Owen
44.0: GONDWANALAND
with D Motion
43.1: PUMPKIN
with K MacCarter
43.0: MASQUE
with A Vickery
42.0: NO THEME II
with G Ryan
41.1: RATBAGGERY
with D Hose
41.0: TRANSPACIFIC
with J Rowe and M Nardone
40.1: INDONESIA
with K MacCarter
40.0: INTERLOCUTOR
with L Hart
39.1: GIBBERBIRD
with S Gory
39.0: JACKPOT!
with S Wagan Watson
38.0: SYDNEY
with A Lorange
37.1: NEBRASKA
with S Whalen
37.0: NO THEME!
with A Wearne
36.0: ELECTRONICA
with J Jones