Sometimes I wear huge sweaters like my Amama (grandma)
The mix of itchy wool and polyester wraps around me
Her presence engulfs me as I sit on our rickety front porch
Sipping her famous masala chai, I reminisce
The flavors of the sweet cardamom and zesty ginger take me back to a place I’ve only been
in my headIn this place, I try to imagine what her life would have been
What battle scars she has been forced to carryWhy is strength always portrayed in destruction?
The weight of the sun must be heavy
But yet, every day, twice a day, God is able to carry its weight
Does that not take strength? Does that not take munificence?
I have learned strength is not only what you did but why you tried
This is why silence has become my new mother tongueThere is strength is silence
There is strength in vulnerability
I fight fear when my hair is being braided and oiled in the laps of women
Women who have fought fear to survive
Fear I won’t ever have to experience because of their strengthI think of my Amama, cooking in the tiresome kitchen
Melted ghee making golden sizzling lakes
Her callused hands working a million miles a minute
What made her who she is?
Who forced her to grow up?
Was is the fact she had to walk hours in the blistering sun to get a single bucket of water for
her family?
Or maybe it was the fact she taught to hate her rich brown skin because of colonizing British
beauty that caged her mind and spiritBehind her hard exterior there is mountains of pain
Pain she could never show
Pain she feels because the proclamation of being a woman was stolen from herWhen she tells me these stories, I hear the throbbing dejection echo from her voice
But I admire her for it
Not only because she went through it, but because she lived to tell it
She is my only definition of valimai
- 115: SPACE
with A Sometimes
114: NO THEME 13
with J Toledo & C Tse
113: INVISIBLE WALLS
with A Walker & D Disney
112: TREAT
with T Dearborn
111: BABY
with S Deo & L Ferney
110: POP!
with Z Frost & B Jessen
109: NO THEME 12
with C Maling & N Rhook
108: DEDICATION
with L Patterson & L Garcia-Dolnik
107: LIMINAL
with B Li
106: OPEN
with C Lowe & J Langdon
105: NO THEME 11
with E Grills & E Stewart
104: KIN
with E Shiosaki
103: AMBLE
with E Gomez and S Gory
102: GAME
with R Green and J Maxwell
101: NO THEME 10
with J Kinsella and J Leanne
100: BROWNFACE
with W S Dunn
99: SINGAPORE
with J Ip and A Pang
97 & 98: PROPAGANDA
with M Breeze and S Groth
96: NO THEME IX
with M Gill and J Thayil
95: EARTH
with M Takolander
94: BAYT
with Z Hashem Beck
93: PEACH
with L Van, G Mouratidis, L Toong
92: NO THEME VIII
with C Gaskin
91: MONSTER
with N Curnow
90: AFRICAN DIASPORA
with S Umar
89: DOMESTIC
with N Harkin
88: TRANSQUEER
with S Barnes and Q Eades
87: DIFFICULT
with O Schwartz & H Isemonger
86: NO THEME VII
with L Gorton
85: PHILIPPINES
with Mookie L and S Lua
84: SUBURBIA
with L Brown and N O'Reilly
83: MATHEMATICS
with F Hile
82: LAND
with J Stuart and J Gibian
81: NEW CARIBBEAN
with V Lucien
80: NO THEME VI
with J Beveridge
57.1: EKPHRASTIC
with C Atherton and P Hetherington
57: CONFESSION
with K Glastonbury
56: EXPLODE
with D Disney
55.1: DALIT / INDIGENOUS
with M Chakraborty and K MacCarter
55: FUTURE MACHINES
with Bella Li
54: NO THEME V
with F Wright and O Sakr
53.0: THE END
with P Brown
52.0: TOIL
with C Jenkins
51.1: UMAMI
with L Davies and Lifted Brow
51.0: TRANSTASMAN
with B Cassidy
50.0: NO THEME IV
with J Tranter
49.1: A BRITISH / IRISH
with M Hall and S Seita
49.0: OBSOLETE
with T Ryan
48.1: CANADA
with K MacCarter and S Rhodes
48.0: CONSTRAINT
with C Wakeling
47.0: COLLABORATION
with L Armand and H Lambert
46.1: MELBOURNE
with M Farrell
46.0: NO THEME III
with F Plunkett
45.0: SILENCE
with J Owen
44.0: GONDWANALAND
with D Motion
43.1: PUMPKIN
with K MacCarter
43.0: MASQUE
with A Vickery
42.0: NO THEME II
with G Ryan
41.1: RATBAGGERY
with D Hose
41.0: TRANSPACIFIC
with J Rowe and M Nardone
40.1: INDONESIA
with K MacCarter
40.0: INTERLOCUTOR
with L Hart
39.1: GIBBERBIRD
with S Gory
39.0: JACKPOT!
with S Wagan Watson
38.0: SYDNEY
with A Lorange
37.1: NEBRASKA
with S Whalen
37.0: NO THEME!
with A Wearne
36.0: ELECTRONICA
with J Jones