Anxiety room

By | 31 October 2021

I

You wake in the middle of the night,

make shape of the bedside lamp

turn the switch on with your right hand uneasy,

wait for the yellow to fill the room

How familiar is this body, you ask

the moonlight concave, clothes restless on the floor

And you ask, what has become of you

Person that demands skin, demands shelter

But from whom, favoring which location, lost in the moment

You think, everyone rids their sense of self

anyway, what difference is my discretion but appetite

for argument, stupid in belief

In the discourse of purpose, I am

just another body yearning for warmth

athirst ego in the sheets, unkempt in hiding.

II

What does affirmation sound like?

III

I have no use for vocabulary

this mouth endures what is expected of it

except listen,

when the conflict starts all I take is what is in front of me

What else do I have to perceive

but conclusion disguised as liberty

And listen, when you call my name all I hear is assertion

Come on, you are better than subtlety

bring forth your rage, burn the room curtains,

make me forget the function

of discernment, or worse—decency

This is pleading.

I want you to completely refuse my silence as answer.

And I will speak only in gesture.

IV

How do we know if we have done anything right?

V

And when the time comes that we have to put out the fire,

what will we do?

I say, nothing. Just wait for the sea.

Watch people dance around our patio.

Stay calm, see if something else comes out.

Maybe smoke.

Maybe more dancing.

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