if

            I had

my father’s

ashes

            I could

throw them

in

the toilet
take

a huge

dump

to square

things off
the water

from the bowl

would hit

my ass

and

            I would

be

so revolted

to have him

touch

me

again

            I’d

jump

in the shower

to scrub

myself

clean
run

an icy

bath
stick

my head

all the way

under
deep sea diver

explorer

of memory 
            never

did learn

how to swim