Carlie Lazar: A Prank Call To John Howard

1 January 2004

i hate john howard's galaxy:
howard reads kc's essay
and then sings along to some rammstein.

do you call this working hard?

we're not a spontaneous celebration
of your amusing prank
or, as the more politically
correct call it, playing ring toss
with australian prime minister
john howard's “big guy.”

howard, as a 1950's cowboy
with his best friend lacey rawlins;
leaves texas and heads south of the border
to find work breaking horses.

for, you see, we know john howard isn't a robot:
stuttering john loves the olsen twins.

hurdy gurdy man howard brings the world together.
john howard's political career has been based on
steering australia towards the occasional prank call:
“is your refrigerator running?”

computer virus writer howard sings a tribute to diana
to the tune of elton john's candle in the wind.

newsmen shouldn't blame howard for the funny ass prank
where this guy with a weird accent tests the limits
of take-out food orders. guy drowns grandpa, prank call.

“have you ever felt guilty after pulling a prank call
only to discover that it was a quote of the week?”

“all the time.”

yeah? well, it really happened.

john, call and tell us all that it was all just a prank.

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