On the day of the ceremony our company watched as The President honored the dead. He staggered across the cobblestone path, shielding his eyes from the afternoon sun as a clumsy brass band played the traditional tune. The man who slept next to me in the barracks hummed a few bars before sighing and shoving his hands deep into his pockets. A few days earlier we’d talked about forgetting what war we were honoring. We’d forgotten the name of the enemy and lost track of which of the endless conflicts that day was set aside for. There were more days dedicated to them than not and over time it got too confusing to parse.
The ceremony lasted over two hours and in the heat a half dozen of us passed out. The President, flitting and nervous, flinched with every body that hit the concrete. We were fed poorly. Water was limited. It became a sport to watch one another wither away and predict who might die next from malnutrition. Lying in my bunk in the dark, I traced the hard bone of my ribs, recalling stories the old timers had told us about the past where they could get in their cars and drive anywhere they wanted and for as long as they had roads to follow and gas to burn.
Gas.
Oil.
Fuel.
These words snaked their way through our briefings every now and then to explain the fight. But even those in charge had lost the thread. They seemed bored, like middle-managers doomed to send their men to die with little to nothing in return. The orders came and sometimes just disappeared with no explanation. I couldn’t tell you anymore where I’m supposed to go. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to go anywhere.
That night, before lights out, our commanding officer rolled a television into the barracks and replayed the ceremony. The men who fell, the surviving ones anyway, were made to sit up in their beds. The rest of us removed our hats. The President looked amazing, striding triumphantly to the boom of the band and crowned by the day’s glow. The hand that shielded the sun was now a salute. And somehow, in his noble shadow, we were a pristine company, broad-shouldered, fit and hearty. No one fell. No one collapsed. My neighbor in the barracks received a close-up as a patriotic tear slipped from his steely, determined eyes.
I caught a glimpse of myself before the laying of the wreath and the flight of the war eagle. My uniform hugged my chiseled chest. I was the picture of health. And as I admired myself on the screen, my hand wormed through the gap between the buttons of my threadbare shirt and lightly fell upon my ribs.
It was a surreal moment, but a familiar one.
To be lied to by your fingertips like that.
- 115: SPACE
with A Sometimes
114: NO THEME 13
with J Toledo & C Tse
113: INVISIBLE WALLS
with A Walker & D Disney
112: TREAT
with T Dearborn
111: BABY
with S Deo & L Ferney
110: POP!
with Z Frost & B Jessen
109: NO THEME 12
with C Maling & N Rhook
108: DEDICATION
with L Patterson & L Garcia-Dolnik
107: LIMINAL
with B Li
106: OPEN
with C Lowe & J Langdon
105: NO THEME 11
with E Grills & E Stewart
104: KIN
with E Shiosaki
103: AMBLE
with E Gomez and S Gory
102: GAME
with R Green and J Maxwell
101: NO THEME 10
with J Kinsella and J Leanne
100: BROWNFACE
with W S Dunn
99: SINGAPORE
with J Ip and A Pang
97 & 98: PROPAGANDA
with M Breeze and S Groth
96: NO THEME IX
with M Gill and J Thayil
95: EARTH
with M Takolander
94: BAYT
with Z Hashem Beck
93: PEACH
with L Van, G Mouratidis, L Toong
92: NO THEME VIII
with C Gaskin
91: MONSTER
with N Curnow
90: AFRICAN DIASPORA
with S Umar
89: DOMESTIC
with N Harkin
88: TRANSQUEER
with S Barnes and Q Eades
87: DIFFICULT
with O Schwartz & H Isemonger
86: NO THEME VII
with L Gorton
85: PHILIPPINES
with Mookie L and S Lua
84: SUBURBIA
with L Brown and N O'Reilly
83: MATHEMATICS
with F Hile
82: LAND
with J Stuart and J Gibian
81: NEW CARIBBEAN
with V Lucien
80: NO THEME VI
with J Beveridge
57.1: EKPHRASTIC
with C Atherton and P Hetherington
57: CONFESSION
with K Glastonbury
56: EXPLODE
with D Disney
55.1: DALIT / INDIGENOUS
with M Chakraborty and K MacCarter
55: FUTURE MACHINES
with Bella Li
54: NO THEME V
with F Wright and O Sakr
53.0: THE END
with P Brown
52.0: TOIL
with C Jenkins
51.1: UMAMI
with L Davies and Lifted Brow
51.0: TRANSTASMAN
with B Cassidy
50.0: NO THEME IV
with J Tranter
49.1: A BRITISH / IRISH
with M Hall and S Seita
49.0: OBSOLETE
with T Ryan
48.1: CANADA
with K MacCarter and S Rhodes
48.0: CONSTRAINT
with C Wakeling
47.0: COLLABORATION
with L Armand and H Lambert
46.1: MELBOURNE
with M Farrell
46.0: NO THEME III
with F Plunkett
45.0: SILENCE
with J Owen
44.0: GONDWANALAND
with D Motion
43.1: PUMPKIN
with K MacCarter
43.0: MASQUE
with A Vickery
42.0: NO THEME II
with G Ryan
41.1: RATBAGGERY
with D Hose
41.0: TRANSPACIFIC
with J Rowe and M Nardone
40.1: INDONESIA
with K MacCarter
40.0: INTERLOCUTOR
with L Hart
39.1: GIBBERBIRD
with S Gory
39.0: JACKPOT!
with S Wagan Watson
38.0: SYDNEY
with A Lorange
37.1: NEBRASKA
with S Whalen
37.0: NO THEME!
with A Wearne
36.0: ELECTRONICA
with J Jones