1.

                                   Intimate, as one flesh, we read

                                   her bodily signs, a language learnt in childhood.
                                   You know why I brought you korma, mum?

                                   Yes, because you know I like it.
                                   Dinnertimes at this age involve

                                   gentle coaxing:

                                   a gradual accumulation. 
                                   The tin of stuffed chillies

                                   from Mexico

                                   draw the other ladies’ disgust.
                                   She won’t do salad

                                   with bread. We settle for a movie.

                                   The others go to bed.



                                   2.

                                   Reversals:

                                   I tend to you as once

                                   you tended me.
                                   Ease you out of bed

                                   in the afternoons

                                   offer you tea
                                   help you mobilise.

                                   Wheelie walker always

                                   in reach.



                                   3.

                                   CT HEAD

                                   Clinical Details: Increasingly vague. Past history of left parieto

                                   occipital change. Differential diagnosis: HSV encephalitis or CAA

                                   related macrobleed.

                                   Findings: The widespread oedema/decreased attenuation within

                                   the temporoparietal and occipital lobes has substantially reduced

                                   as compared to the prior CT scan performed on 17 February

                                   2019.

                                   The previously documented left parieto-occipital haemorrhage

                                   has resolved.

                                   There is no evidence of an intracranial space-occupying lesion

                                   nor midline shift. The ventricular system, basal cisterns and

                                   cortical sulci are reasonably well maintained.



                                   4.

                                   Not just clinical notes.

                                   Nothing can encompass:
                                   The struggles were from disbelief.

                                   as if I wouldn’t know my own mother
                                   Sat there, over an hour, trembling, at 7am.

                                   “Refused to eat”, the RN notes.
                                   She has nausea, I say, get her

                                   some IV maxalon, not ondansetron.
                                   “The patient must be able to state this”.

                                   Me: I know my mum.



                                   5.

                                   When you had an EEG

                                   you were Wired For Sound

                                   skating through aether
                                   singing the Cliff Richard song

                                   Then: back in the room –

                                   flying cats.



                                   6.

                                   The vertigo of your constant

                                   comebacks
                                   shocked us out of our skin

                                   One instant fallen: Glasgow Scale 6.
                                   Next morning

                                   up and singing.



                                   7.

                                   Time dilated:

                                   we swam in it, whole pools of it

                                   the seconds, the minutes

                                   stretched out endlessly.
                                   This could have been infinity: it was not.

                                   You left us, when

                                   our sun and Antares aligned:

                                   the soul-portal open.



                                   8.

                                   The other night, five years hence

                                   my brother reports in a dream:

                                   Mum has been calling… when will you pick up?