We talk about blood –
the way it pools in basins and nails,
turns brown when you leave it to soak too long
and stains.Tayta has lived in this house forty two years
and learns to repurpose her memories,
shudders while we wait for the fireworks to echo,
says that we build our veins
into the places we choose to stay,
says that they hid bread in the walls
during the war
and Um Jamal died full
next door in the house
with the red water
and heartbreak in the bathtub,
says that the first one passes
and the grief bleeds into all the others,and what are we in the end
but the children of war,
and what is war
but a mother disciplining her careless children.But what about the blood on our hands, Tayta?
What about the people who left
and the stories baba doesn’t tell anymore?Baba’s hands are weathered
from tearing and replanting roots –
his palms are the geography of every place
we have bled and fled,
his home is built in cherished memories
and forgetting,
says that we were lucky,
we the land of opportunity
doors wide open
future bathed in sunlight children,
but the homeland landscape in his eyes lingers
as he tells me that I could never survive back there
with my loud voice and my Australian English,
says that
it is always politicalAnd what are we
but the children of politics,
and what are politics
but a father disciplining his unjust children.
But what about the blood on our hands, Baba?
What about the white men
and the people who leftWe call living the war, survival
We call remembering it, gratitude
We call refusing to
weakness.Baba hurts his back at work,
shows us the scars from that one time
he got his arm stuck in the machine
and the blood clots under his nails,
and mama says the sacrifice happens before the bleeding,
says that the fireworks took his hope with their echoes
and now we cannot dream straight anymore,
says that they packed all their things in the dark
and boarded the boat to Cyprus,
says the coastline over Beirut still makes her cry,
says that it isn’t always quite sadness.And what are we
but the children of sadness,
and what is sadness
but home calling us to come back.But what about the blood on our hands, Mama?
What about the lives we build
and the ones we don’t?
What about the people who leave?
What about the white men
and the stories baba doesn’t tell anymore?
What name do you put on a mass grave?
Are we still casualties of war
if not the dead
but the pooling in the aftermath?The post-terrorism, lead boot identity children,
I saw myself on the front page of the newspaper
wearing a different face the other week,
and now Jihad is a dirty word and Shakespeare is irrelevant.
What do white men know of tragedies
when they put the blood of our ancestors on our hands?And who are our younger siblings
but the maskless villains
of a world that they have never known
to not hate them,
and what were you wearing on September 11, 2001?
and why do we all look so different now?And how long must we stay hidden?
And what are we
but the children of hiding?
And what is hiding
but an orphaned sense of identity
trying to distinguish between the call of home
and the false promise of something better?
But what about the blood on our hands?They crossed the sea for you
and now all they can taste is the salt in their eyes
Does guilt pass down through generations?
Some days I just want to know if home will remember my name
or if it ever learnt itBut what about the blood on our hands?
I look at myself in the mirror
and ask the white girl to own her privilege;
it wasn’t my ancestors who built this city
on rattling bones and smallpox,
but what am i
but a benefactor
of the actions of somebody else’sAnd what about the blood of my hands?
the way it mixes
and pools,
and who’s blood is it now?
Maybe,
in the end,
we all die of broken heartsAnd what is a heart
but a place to hide the blood a while?
Let it know that there are shades of grief
that stain brown when you leave them too long
and those that were brown to begin withAnd what about the blood of my hands, Mama?
Which one is it, Mama?
Are we ever going back, Mama?
What about the people who left?
What about death?What about building graves on black bones and smallpox?
And all these white memories –
the ones with the
loud voices and the
Australian English,
where do I put those?And what are we
but the children of context?
And what is context but
a map of all the places we have been?And finally
the blood pools in the arches of my feet
and the borders of my palms
in condolence,
in sorry – I will be better,
even when homeland’s call feels foreign,
even when we look like this,
even in opportunistic tongues,even
n traitor skin.
- 115: SPACE
with A Sometimes
114: NO THEME 13
with J Toledo & C Tse
113: INVISIBLE WALLS
with A Walker & D Disney
112: TREAT
with T Dearborn
111: BABY
with S Deo & L Ferney
110: POP!
with Z Frost & B Jessen
109: NO THEME 12
with C Maling & N Rhook
108: DEDICATION
with L Patterson & L Garcia-Dolnik
107: LIMINAL
with B Li
106: OPEN
with C Lowe & J Langdon
105: NO THEME 11
with E Grills & E Stewart
104: KIN
with E Shiosaki
103: AMBLE
with E Gomez and S Gory
102: GAME
with R Green and J Maxwell
101: NO THEME 10
with J Kinsella and J Leanne
100: BROWNFACE
with W S Dunn
99: SINGAPORE
with J Ip and A Pang
97 & 98: PROPAGANDA
with M Breeze and S Groth
96: NO THEME IX
with M Gill and J Thayil
95: EARTH
with M Takolander
94: BAYT
with Z Hashem Beck
93: PEACH
with L Van, G Mouratidis, L Toong
92: NO THEME VIII
with C Gaskin
91: MONSTER
with N Curnow
90: AFRICAN DIASPORA
with S Umar
89: DOMESTIC
with N Harkin
88: TRANSQUEER
with S Barnes and Q Eades
87: DIFFICULT
with O Schwartz & H Isemonger
86: NO THEME VII
with L Gorton
85: PHILIPPINES
with Mookie L and S Lua
84: SUBURBIA
with L Brown and N O'Reilly
83: MATHEMATICS
with F Hile
82: LAND
with J Stuart and J Gibian
81: NEW CARIBBEAN
with V Lucien
80: NO THEME VI
with J Beveridge
57.1: EKPHRASTIC
with C Atherton and P Hetherington
57: CONFESSION
with K Glastonbury
56: EXPLODE
with D Disney
55.1: DALIT / INDIGENOUS
with M Chakraborty and K MacCarter
55: FUTURE MACHINES
with Bella Li
54: NO THEME V
with F Wright and O Sakr
53.0: THE END
with P Brown
52.0: TOIL
with C Jenkins
51.1: UMAMI
with L Davies and Lifted Brow
51.0: TRANSTASMAN
with B Cassidy
50.0: NO THEME IV
with J Tranter
49.1: A BRITISH / IRISH
with M Hall and S Seita
49.0: OBSOLETE
with T Ryan
48.1: CANADA
with K MacCarter and S Rhodes
48.0: CONSTRAINT
with C Wakeling
47.0: COLLABORATION
with L Armand and H Lambert
46.1: MELBOURNE
with M Farrell
46.0: NO THEME III
with F Plunkett
45.0: SILENCE
with J Owen
44.0: GONDWANALAND
with D Motion
43.1: PUMPKIN
with K MacCarter
43.0: MASQUE
with A Vickery
42.0: NO THEME II
with G Ryan
41.1: RATBAGGERY
with D Hose
41.0: TRANSPACIFIC
with J Rowe and M Nardone
40.1: INDONESIA
with K MacCarter
40.0: INTERLOCUTOR
with L Hart
39.1: GIBBERBIRD
with S Gory
39.0: JACKPOT!
with S Wagan Watson
38.0: SYDNEY
with A Lorange
37.1: NEBRASKA
with S Whalen
37.0: NO THEME!
with A Wearne
36.0: ELECTRONICA
with J Jones