tell my wife/ clean my ears more often/ open one door and close another/ stand to pee or rise and use the toilet/ organize my days the way others organize theirs/ attempt to learn the language of the blue jay/ define by learn I don’t mean speak, I mean should I listen and not shout/ acquire a gun/ do pushups every time I want to look at porn/ call my father or wait for him to call me/ document how long I will wait/ count how many books I read a day, month, year/ try to write everything down/ forget my role and the rules I used to live by/ be afraid to start or to finish/ take greater pride in my person, home, possessions/ do away with my possessions/ save more than I spend/ keep writing here until my time is up/ clean out my ear canals more often/ listen to my body/ announce my intentions to each person I meet, such as “I will walk by you w/o harming you,” or “I find you attractive but I promise not to act upon my attraction,” or “I see you but I will act like I do not because seeing you makes me uncomfortable,” or “do you see me because I want to be seen,”/ know how much ink is in my well/ stop writing before I have finished what I want to say/ share the uncomfortable bits with strangers/ share the uncomfortable bits with friends/ read a new book a week in order to hide my anxiety/ spend more time in my yard because that is what people with yards do/ attempt silence/ know if my body is silent, my face, my scent, my strength, i.e., my power/ worry about leaks or the deluge/ know how many more miles my car can drive/ risk everything for this/ tell you I got a papercut on your letter kissing you goodnight/