they say you should try everything once

but if that’s really the case i might be

stuck inside this warehouse taproom forever

and if it weren’t for the fact that i bush-bashed

my way through the last two months,

i may have presented myself earlier:

               neither shaken nor stirred

dirty and still not free, full of fissured

(re)issues of        physical graffiti          sticky fingers

       are you experienced

               nevermind
all i’m saying is that mick jagger is 81 and done

that the horrors of hospitality are quotidian at most

neverending at best       & good stories at least

as for me

                  turning 21 was something i’ll never do again

turning down a management position

    for a $1/hr raise was something

          i’ll have to keep between us

     and if you’re not 10 minutes early

you’re late       sometimes you don’t know

if your phone is autocorrecting you

like when i texted last night to say

i suddenly had a revolution:

     Responsible Service of Alcohol

is an oxymoron
everything i know

about hospo and rock’n’roll

was handed down to me

by the world’s leading microbial ecologist

               we dated              for a while

but you can only talk about bear shit

for so long before

the sexual tension becomes

unbearable                      so

what will you give me

if i can split the g?      super
and a souvenir bucket hat?

ok

you never know what’s around

the corner hotel

and that’s why i’ve resorted to screaming

at every right angle i see                     screaming

jesus wouldn’t have taken a 10% merch fee

and why i’ve resorted to ending every conversation

like a copy+pasted job application

i’m being as sincere as a guitar solo:

               thanks for the opportunity

because this isn’t the future

       any of us applied for

and i got tired of seeing everything

as a metaphor

tired of the leather pants     tired of resignation

       letters    and    b(e)sides

BOH shifts are better because everyone’s unsexy

     in crocs together         and happiness

just hangs there

   like a ribbon microphone for you

to grab and scream into