They asked me once
what it was like to have no blood connections known
no sadness or loneliness shared
no cousins, no aunties, no mother, no father
to have prayed to the wrong ancestor most of my life
Oh, how people like to assume
asume lo peor siempre que es mejor, the man who raised me used to say
but he was wrong they are wrong*When the man who raised me died
the tiny bones he had buried in our home garden remained
there was the white Boxer dog who welcomed me back home from school every day
the grey cat always too scared of my childhood games
the unborn sister I named Alice
and, oh, how many secrets we shared
how many games we played
ugly ducklings
apple-poisoned princesses
Thumbelina rescued by a blue bird
Hansel & Gretel trying to find a home our home
the road marked with empty snail shells
we got lost, but we found it
nuestro hogar
Large windows and stone walls
blue carpets and the scent of mould
The white dog rests in its garden
the cat basks in the sun
the ghost of the unborn five-month-old smiles
bones the length of a banana mixed with the remains of childhood dreams
My dreams los sueños de la casa
overseen by the ghost of the elderly woman who called herself my grandmother
She died there in one of those rooms with blue carpets
She didn’t look peaceful, her eyes scared until a gentle hand closed them
Abuela chosen ancestor
smoking Marlboro reds from the window of the room where she died
waving to her yerno – the one who died too soon
the one who brought me to her and told her I needed a limpia and
a home arms to hold me
an abuela to feed me
Did my birth mother ever feed me?
[when I meet her ghost … when I meet her ghost]*Five lonely ghosts remembered by adopted kin
They travel every year
Así de la tierra de los muertos
y compartimos historias
y el perro blanco me lame las heridas
y el gato se enconde bajo la cama de mi hijo
Abuela and I smoke Marlboros
Alice plays with my daughter’s hair
my father asks for forgiveness
most secrets are too heavy to be turned into ashes*New apartment buildings now cover the bones of an unborn girl and two pets
A man’s and his suegra’s ashes share the space at a church that no one ever visits
Their secrets covered in dust
But who will visit my ashes?
Spread them instead
Take some to my dog and unborn sister but don’t scare the cat
leave some next to papá and abuela
throw the rest to the sea
allí, flotando un mar de ancestros
- 115: SPACE
with A Sometimes
114: NO THEME 13
with J Toledo & C Tse
113: INVISIBLE WALLS
with A Walker & D Disney
112: TREAT
with T Dearborn
111: BABY
with S Deo & L Ferney
110: POP!
with Z Frost & B Jessen
109: NO THEME 12
with C Maling & N Rhook
108: DEDICATION
with L Patterson & L Garcia-Dolnik
107: LIMINAL
with B Li
106: OPEN
with C Lowe & J Langdon
105: NO THEME 11
with E Grills & E Stewart
104: KIN
with E Shiosaki
103: AMBLE
with E Gomez and S Gory
102: GAME
with R Green and J Maxwell
101: NO THEME 10
with J Kinsella and J Leanne
100: BROWNFACE
with W S Dunn
99: SINGAPORE
with J Ip and A Pang
97 & 98: PROPAGANDA
with M Breeze and S Groth
96: NO THEME IX
with M Gill and J Thayil
95: EARTH
with M Takolander
94: BAYT
with Z Hashem Beck
93: PEACH
with L Van, G Mouratidis, L Toong
92: NO THEME VIII
with C Gaskin
91: MONSTER
with N Curnow
90: AFRICAN DIASPORA
with S Umar
89: DOMESTIC
with N Harkin
88: TRANSQUEER
with S Barnes and Q Eades
87: DIFFICULT
with O Schwartz & H Isemonger
86: NO THEME VII
with L Gorton
85: PHILIPPINES
with Mookie L and S Lua
84: SUBURBIA
with L Brown and N O'Reilly
83: MATHEMATICS
with F Hile
82: LAND
with J Stuart and J Gibian
81: NEW CARIBBEAN
with V Lucien
80: NO THEME VI
with J Beveridge
57.1: EKPHRASTIC
with C Atherton and P Hetherington
57: CONFESSION
with K Glastonbury
56: EXPLODE
with D Disney
55.1: DALIT / INDIGENOUS
with M Chakraborty and K MacCarter
55: FUTURE MACHINES
with Bella Li
54: NO THEME V
with F Wright and O Sakr
53.0: THE END
with P Brown
52.0: TOIL
with C Jenkins
51.1: UMAMI
with L Davies and Lifted Brow
51.0: TRANSTASMAN
with B Cassidy
50.0: NO THEME IV
with J Tranter
49.1: A BRITISH / IRISH
with M Hall and S Seita
49.0: OBSOLETE
with T Ryan
48.1: CANADA
with K MacCarter and S Rhodes
48.0: CONSTRAINT
with C Wakeling
47.0: COLLABORATION
with L Armand and H Lambert
46.1: MELBOURNE
with M Farrell
46.0: NO THEME III
with F Plunkett
45.0: SILENCE
with J Owen
44.0: GONDWANALAND
with D Motion
43.1: PUMPKIN
with K MacCarter
43.0: MASQUE
with A Vickery
42.0: NO THEME II
with G Ryan
41.1: RATBAGGERY
with D Hose
41.0: TRANSPACIFIC
with J Rowe and M Nardone
40.1: INDONESIA
with K MacCarter
40.0: INTERLOCUTOR
with L Hart
39.1: GIBBERBIRD
with S Gory
39.0: JACKPOT!
with S Wagan Watson
38.0: SYDNEY
with A Lorange
37.1: NEBRASKA
with S Whalen
37.0: NO THEME!
with A Wearne
36.0: ELECTRONICA
with J Jones