30 May 2020
& as i scan the tweet Palestinian autistic man’s killing a ‘tragedy’ i am surprised & i am surprised each time how platitudes masquerade as mourning how headlines condense our loss into abstract & there is nothing abstract about Eyad i read that Eyad sipped his morning tea & spritzed his cologne & walked to elwyn el quds school his footsteps rhythming across the concrete & i see that his caretaker Warda stood at the gates waiting for him like she had the last 6 years & in 6 seconds they turned Eyad into an occasional lapse loose trigger fingers a familiar sequence of these streets a fatal sequence of these streets & i wonder what about Eyad is threat? & what about Warda is threat? & what about ambulance is threat? & i think about a better headline two israeli police officers shot Eyad/kept shooting at Eyad/executed Eyad – because they can i do not misunderstand, five bullets were not enough for his Palestinian body they have stripped all the holy out of this city & i know his identity card is a death warrant & his whole face is a frontline & i see he has a mother, Um Eyad she is on the tv now her falastini and weeping stretched thin over this dunya, as if this dunya didn’t just end for her as if it didn’t try to end her many times before & i can’t understand how many of us to change a home an alley a community a country? the israeli police refuse a Palestinian autopsy some bodies get a different kind of burial soon after i read that Abu Eyad and Um Eyad requested the lion’s gate security footage & the justice ministry said it is not available & i know though the dimensions of this narrative may vary, its devils and divines do not & in this place dead does not always mean dead & i know tyrants do not always end the way suras and psalms promise us & i have felt this before my insides corroding in the baptism of this occupier we are Palestinians carrying Palestinians in our mouths we know the importance of naming things & i have run out of ways to ask for my own forgiveness & i see official condolences coming in as if it were a natural disaster words to ornament these casualties words to ornament their collusion & i’m not sure if it’s ever been as important to sit here in testimony at least for those who will come after meanwhile, a tik tok video of israeli girls shimmying their hips to our hishek bishek music has gone viral & i just need to get off twitter & i’ll forget about it then.
after Clint Smith