i miss the way we lived

gridlock of queens

nestled in your father’s money

not any loss, sure, but anything conceivable

say, 9, 18—inconsequential.

27 down, still comfortable,

hungry to feel hungry

in time to taste it on me.
by 36, will all your teeth fall away?

the danger of you forgetting

some things are irreplaceable

was something i could undo

one square at a time, i chased

you three years standing still

returning each tiny white

to gums, my mouth this time,

you are what you eat and

i wanted to be part of you

forever— ’til the bone weight pulverised me

into the smallest pawn, irreducible
i sold my mattress, forgot how to cook

but still your marble serf, soft and heavy

earned you square by painful square

(you gave me a head start, but

you could always have gone anywhere)
then reached the door to peace, seventh heaven

and finally saw that you wanted me

only the unrelenting hoard of your position,

like atom bombs beneath the desert of your skin

rendered every desire hostage

leaving distance your only kindness.

holding your whole bite in my hand

still, only you could chew me up

but would never be hungry.