BEE-­WHICHED!®

1 May 2015

BEE‐WHICHED!®

“The Buzzzz Comes From Below”
an operatic game for all ages and castes
Rules of the Game
MINIMUM TO PLAY: 60,000 workers [sexually immature females], 1 queen [sexually developed female], and several hundred drones [sexually developed males]
Contents: a wonderland of minxy flowering crops and gardens [e.g. apple trees, pear trees, roses, almond trees, cherry trees, plum trees, etc]. * roving agricultural industrialists not included, but yr play, if any good, should draw them out of the woodwork
SPEED DIE RULES: honeybeebees! learning how to play with the SPEED DIE is as fast as playing with it!! load the die with yr caste and ROLLL for an acccelerated game
THE PLAY: “Gather ye rose buds!” the game begins with the DRONE to the left of the QUUEEN: ‘hivework aria’

flor flor flor!
as it were flo‐‐‐‐‐o
ral li‐‐‐‐iiives
bees with
oouut bees
gathered
flor o flor o!
(repeat all, in round)
QUUEEN: (descant) still a‐flying this same tomorrow be… still a‐flying this same tomorrow be… still a‐flying this same tomorrow beee… still a‐flying this same tomorrow be… still a‐flying this same tomorrow will beeeeee…
Once begun, by dint of native superiority AND liking for everything self‐dependent, ‘ambitious civilization’ shouts the name of the game clock‐wise and the phases of play & prod unfurl!!
MASS‐FLOWER FUCK, THE OPENING PLAY:

together, the DRONES, in traditional garb:
‘woodwork recitative,’
minuus tho‐‐‐‐
‐‐‐orns minnnnyy
orrrmmss
we‐we’re‐we‐we’re‐we a‐‐‐re yrrrrrrrr
best pa‐‐‐‐‐arts
stickaaa‐stickkyo‐‐‐‐‐‐‐ou
tooo! (mold spores mold spores!)
tooo! (cheese mites cheese mites!)
tooo! (flour flour flour!)
tooo! (coal dust dust!)
tooooooooooooooo!! (sawdust sawwwwa!!)
yr pee‐‐eetals, yr see‐‐eepals
yr pee‐‐eetals, yr see‐‐eepals
minnnny tho‐‐‐‐
‐‐‐orns ninnnnyy
wo‐orrrmmss
stttiinnggga‐‐‐‐, stingggaaaaaa‐‐‐‐
THE 1:1 RULE: a seldom discussed rule of the game. if, as the game progresses, any single player butts bums with a roving industrial apiarist or agricultural industrialist, that player must roll the SPEED DIE immediately

EXCEPTION TO THE 1:1 RULE: if, however, the industrialist’s industrial throat closes over beyond industrial remedy and swifter than industrial time, the player is free to play onnnnnnn
THE ‘ABEILLEANCE’ PHASE or ‘ON THE RO‐OAD AGAIN’: whenever the industrial agriculturalists brush feet with the industrial apiarists, all players must form a line and buzzzzzz to the beat of the truck

[setting: any country peach or cherry orchard]
‘buzzzzz chart for fretting beezzzz’
wax‐‐‐‐‐‐xxx wax wax‐‐‐‐‐‐xxx
wax‐‐‐‐‐‐xxx wax wax‐‐‐‐‐‐xxx
wax‐‐‐‐‐‐xxx wax wax‐‐‐‐‐‐xxx
dripppin’ flaural lyrikkkks
wax‐‐‐‐‐‐xxx wax wax‐‐‐‐‐‐xxx
and reverrrrrrry and reverrrrrry
if bbbrrrees
are few
if bbbrrreeeess are
wax‐‐‐‐‐‐xxx wax wax‐‐‐‐‐‐xxx
if the players cannot withhold from syncopation, it is the QUUEN’s turn to roll the SPEED DIE, ending this particular game phase
‘ROSES ONLY’: A SEA OF THORNS: this is a non‐player phase. in this phase of game play, no players play. they watch the Rose Show

Rose Show (a peep sketch)
[voiceover by indie agriculturalists & apiarists]
happy
sick rosssse!
selfffff o
o oo oo ooo OOOOOO!
OUT thy bed of (onananananana)
OUT thy bed of (ovavavavavavavavava)
crimson jo‐‐oying!
thy selves wo‐‐orms
invvvvvisible and
new and siccccck
newsticcccckkkkkk
ROSES: (to the summer sweet, to the summer…)
{STAGE LEFT, a ‘rather sordid tuft’, old and overly made‐up, ridiculous on her stem tries to keep up…}
**players who appear uneasy or off‐color during the Rose Show must roll the SPEED DIE on thr next turn
COLONY COLLAPSE!!!: at any point in the game any worker or drone player may yell “COLONY COLLAPSE!!!” while fricting their wings together. this will initiate the COLONY COLLAPSE!!! phase of the game.

all players roll the SPEED DIE until no players remain
“PREDATORY HAND”: an endgame phase, more confusing than disrupting, and doubly ultimate

reprise of the ‘woodwork choral interlude’ [a shadowplay; a ‘delightful happen‐so’ performed, sans accouterment, by the agriculturalist & apiarist ensemble, with thanks to their sponsor for the golden pollen cloud marionettes and prodding rods]
stickaaa‐stickkyo‐‐‐‐‐‐‐ou
flow’r firstyywirrrstyy‐‐‐y
fli‐‐‐rrrrty ferrrtttteee
ferrrtttteee‐f—rrtittittyyyyy
stickaaa‐stickkyo‐‐‐‐‐‐‐ou
::waxwork coda::




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