for craig

in the lead up to today
your fifth birthday
daddy's been trying
not to imagine the anticipation
of your first day at school

last year
he pictured you
throwing first a ball with your cousins
through the cubby house window
then sand
he saw you vying
for first bounce on the trampoline
kicking your shoes off without undoing the buckles

at christmas
you're up before your brother
slipping on the kitchen tiles
where Santa left traces of snow
then fumbling with shiny wrap
and upending your teddy bear stocking

on your first birthday he pondered
your first words
your first steps
your sister
just a month away
he's considered
whether you would have liked
broccoli, carrot and potato
or whether you preferred meat
with your meat
like she does
whether you'd have danced
with hi-5 or the wiggles
and driven around in the big red car
whether you'd have climbed
had curls
your favourite story
the sound
of your laugh

he tries to avoid wondering
how different his memories might be
if you'd been born
just two days before.