Like the drought, it continues. Over the fold, Paul Hardacre's biting – nay, seething – responses to ten of the stupidest questions ever asked. Ouch.

1. How do you like your science?

With kooky hair.

2. Do you think 'Who turned the lights out?' is a better question than: 'Who let the dogs out?'

What you talkin' about, Willis?

3. Discuss.

Make me discuss.

4. What's the point of line breaks?

Was there a line for Point Break?

5. Do you know the way to San Jose?

No way -

6. What do you think the most random number is?

I limit my numerical fantasies to the domain of the pseudo-random. Sorry.

7. If you could be a dead musician who would you be?

Orpheus. Or Marty Robbins.

8. What's the stupidest question you've ever been asked?

You have been commissioned by the Prime Minister to write a preamble for the Australian constitution. How do you begin? (Just one sentence please)

9. You have been commissioned by the Prime Minister to write a preamble for the Australian constitution. How do you begin? (Just one sentence please)

I feel bad now.

10. Where can I buy an invisible ice cream?

I'm not sure – I'll ask the invisible gerbil and let you know.